The empty promise girl

Promise after promise, they give them to you.

“You’ll never be too much.”

“You’re perfect the way you are.”

“I promise I won’t leave.”

“I promise I’ll stay.”

I had that boy—sweet, kind, promising in every way.

As he would’ve said: "mine."

So tell me why it’s 3 a.m. again,

My heart beating out of my chest,

Hands shaking so badly I can barely write,

Thighs itching with an urge I’ve known for far too long.

A promise to stay for 80 years suddenly feels like 80 days,

As the messages come slower, shorter—heartbreakingly dull.

I don’t know if my gut feeling is right

Or if I’m just in my head again and you’re simply busy.

But I see you “online” while I check my phone like a ritual,

Just to make sure I didn’t miss your message.

You have to excuse me—

I’ve been filled with empty promises.

Not only romantically, but in friendships, in family, even from strangers.

You’d think it would’ve taught me not to trust so easily.

But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t give 110% of myself—

Even when a part of me already expects the promise to turn empty.

And still, I don’t think it’s wrong of me to hope.

It isn’t wrong of me to want it to be real.

What is wrong is how I sabotage things until their promises have no choice but to become empty.

Because someone can give you everything they have—

But if your guard, or your “gut feeling,” never lets them in,

How can they prove they’ll stay?

How can they fulfill a promise you’ve already decided is a lie?

I’m learning this in real time:

Let people in.

Let them make promises without punishing them for what others did.

Don’t tell them from the beginning you know they won’t keep their word.

Because you can only push someone so far

Until they’ve had enough.

So when I sit here wondering why I only ever get empty promises,

I’m starting to realize I have to stop my past from ruining my future.

Healing is letting people prove they’re different, even when my past begs me to run.

Maybe the lesson isn’t that everyone leaves—maybe it’s that I have to stop leaving first.

Yours truly 🤍